Melissa Wilkinson, 23, St. Louis, hair bow enthusiast. More

I'm writing Gloves Off, a potential TV series about a city of superheroes and supervillains.

♥ podcasts ♥
Welcome to Night Vale; Thrilling Adventure Hour; Dead Authors Podcast; SuperEgo; How Did This Get Made?; Comedy Bang Bang; Wits; Nerdist Writers Panel; The Jeff Rubin Jeff Rubin Show

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unsolicited opinion Sunday: MST3K watch list


For those sad souls who don’t know, Mystery Science Theater 3000 is a cult classic TV series about an average joe whose mad scientist bosses trap him on a satellite in space and force him to watch really bad movies. He survives these ordeals by mercilessly mocking the movies with the aid of two smartass robots. 

Some of the episodes are great. A few are so-so. Some are (because of the movies) so incredibly bad they’re unwatchable. The following is my list of favorites, in chronological order, with movie synopses: 

507 - I Accuse My Parents - An incompetent shoe salesman named Jimmy gets involved with the mob because his drunk parents don’t care that he won the high school essay contest. 

519 - Outlaw of Gor - A professor of something and his excrutiatingly annoying colleague are somehow sucked into an alternate universe where there are… butts. Just lots of butts. Butts everywhere. Apparently based on a series of fantasy novels from the ‘70’s. 

622 - Angels’ Revenge - Another prize from the ‘70’s about a gang of ditzy women who hunt down drug dealers and torture them in their storage unit, or shoot them, or just blow them up, whatever. 

703 - Deathstalker and the Warriors From Hell - A smarmy warrior, a bitchy princess, and a potato-munching horse chick fight an evil queen and her sorcerer for possession of a magic doorknob. 

813 - Jack Frost - A cocky woodsman enlists the aid of Jack Frost and an especially whacky incarnation of the Baba Yaga to rescue a sickeningly adorable young woman from her evil stepmother in this Russo-Finnish fairy tale thing. A particuar favorite of mine.

816 - Prince of Space - Alien chicken-men try to take over Earth, or possibly just Japan, and are vanquished by three annoying children and a stringy, caped space-superhero who utters endless variations on, “Your weapons are useless against me!” Also worthy of note is 819 - Invasion of the Neptune Men, a very similar but somehow even worse movie.

818 - Devil Doll - An evil hypnotist/ventriloquest bickers with his possessed puppet and date rapes women while an ineffectual journalist sorta-kinda investigates him. 

820 - Space Mutiny - Possibly the best, and at the very least the second best, MST3K episode. A crew of women in high-hipped leotards and beefy men in jumpsuits led by Captain Santa Claus fight comically evil mutineers for control of an ageing factory warehouse. I mean spaceship. Based on a video game apparently. 

1003 - Merlin’s Shop of Mystical Wonders - Merlin sets up a knicknack shop in the 20th century, and his criminal negligence swiftly unleashes an evil toy monkey on a pleasant middle-class family. Nightmare fuel ensues as the monkey proceeds to kill their houseplants, fish, and dog. Possibly the best episode of the series.

1007 - Track of the Moon Beast - A boring guy, a skank, and a fake Native American make up legends, get hit by meteorites, turn into killer lizard men, and eat stew made with chicken… corn… green peppers… chili… *sigh*… onions…?

There are a lot of other good ones, and my preferences for some of these are in part sentimental, as my MST3K experience started with them. Highly-rated episodes that aren’t on my personal favorites list: 

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"what are you going to do with a degree in english?" follow you around and whisper "the love song of j alfred prufrock" in your ear when you go on dates

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auroramachine asked: Mr. Chris Pratt, you are the 3rd Chris that Marvel has collected so far. Do you think there is something special in your name or it’s just Marvel has a Chris fetish?

Chris Pratt: There’s definitely something special about my name. I’m joining pretty amazing company. Both of those guys are really incredible. I haven’t had a chance to meet Hemsworth yet, but Chris Evans… when I saw him, he literally ran across the room, gave me a huge bear hug, lifted me up, and was like, “Dude, you are going to love this!” It was like my brother congratulating me for like making the team. It was pretty cool. We bro’d out. There was a lot of love there… He’s a great guy. The point is, there’s something special about my name. You want your son to be successful? Name him Chris.

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Ep. 46: Parade Day

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a kid from my school sent me a pic an elaborate painting of atticus finch shirtless smoking a blunt while a colt 45 is being poured on him along with a text that read “hot dad 2: dad harder” and this is the closest thing to a sext I have ever received

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You neglected to mention the Tupac and Biggie cherubs how dare you.

look there’s a lot going on here it makes perfect sense that they’d forget some details

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6:20 p.m. A girl who looks to be about four years old walks into the dining room wearing bright orange lipstick, and the hostess gives her crayons. She is my only rival for command of this TGI Friday’s.”

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let’s all take a minute to stop and think about how Hagrid gave Harry his homemade birthday cake, told him how much he looked like his parents, and fed him sausages before he even started to explain that he was a wizard

let’s stop to think about how his absolute first priority was to let harry know that he was loved and cared for

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did mulder and scully ever even solve a single case. they must’ve had the worst record in the Bureau. every case report was just “mulder thinks it’s aliens, the evidence is inconclusive and we have no proof.” how did they not get fired.

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